Father's Day

It's been a quick minute since I posted last, but I had too many thoughts today about Father's Day than could be shared in a simple Facebook or Instagram post.

For the last two years I had one goal in mind: to go to graduate school at Utah State. 

Everyone knew it, and in my mind as long as I got accepted it would be a no-brainer and the easiest decision I ever had to make.

Fast forward to applications being submitted, interviews with schools, and incredibly important emails containing my fate...

I was accepted to Utah State, but I was also accepted to all of the other programs I had applied to, and BYU really stood out to me when I had my interview with them.

I knew from the moment I walked out of my interview that I would end up at BYU, and a part of me was really excited about it, but a part of me didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to let go of my dream of getting accepted to and attending Utah State, and I also wasn't particularly thrilled about moving to Provo. Once I received a scholarship offer from BYU I knew the decision was made and I started to get excited about the big upcoming changes. 

I decided to start in the Spring, which meant putting in my two weeks notice at work, figuring out financial aid, finding a place to live, and finishing up my last semester of my second bachelor's degree two weeks early to be able to start school at BYU.

It was a hectic few weeks to say the least and finding a weekend to move was nearly impossible.

My parents had a trip planned to visit my sister in Idaho one weekend, but I had to beg my dad to stay and miss seeing his grandkids so he could be here to help me move.

Moving day came and on three hours of sleep I showed up to my parents' house to go and pick up the rental truck.

I was exhausted, I was stressed, and I was terrified about the major changes that were about to happen.

Right when I walked in the door my dad gave me a hug and said he understood it all without me even really explaining why I had such a sleepless night.

Holding back tears, he made me breakfast and we were on our way.

Hours later after getting moved out of my old house and into the new one, my dad stuck around to help me clean and get settled. We took a trip to Home Depot to pick up a few things, and the physical and emotional exhaustion set in. 

I wasn't happy with my current situation for a myriad of reasons and I was taking it out on my dad. He was trying to help me and was going above and beyond, but my patience was wearing very thin.

At one point after apologizing for all of the trouble and thanking my dad again for helping, he stopped me and said something to the effect of, "Look, until you're married and you have a man in your life, you're the woman in my life besides your mom." 

In my emotionally and physically exhausted state this translated to, "Hey Melissa, your life sucks because you're not married and that's why you're in this situation."

I cried right there in the lighting section of Home Depot.

After a good night of sleep and some clarity, I was ashamed at how I had acted and how I had misinterpreted my dad's comment. 

See, my dad has never been incredibly affectionate vocally, but looking back on that weekend that he spent with me - foregoing visiting his grandkids to help me move, spending two days cleaning with me, taking trips to Home Depot and buying me a few things I wouldn't have spent the money on myself, making me dinner and taking me out to lunch - all of those actions spoke volumes about the lengths that my father is willing to go to for me.

They were simple things, things you might say a father is supposed to do, but for me, in those moments of unfamiliar and uncomfortable, I had my dad by my side, and that truly meant the world to me.

So now I know, instead of meaning that I am a burden to my father and subjected to certain situations because I don't have a spouse in my life, he meant that it was his privilege to help me in any way he could.

(I'll also throw in here that I am, in fact, perfectly content with my marital status at this point in my life ;) )

I'm not sure he knows this, but that was one of those comments that will stick with me for a long time to come.

I love you dad, Happy Father's Day!

My Month in Europe: The Hair That Deserves Its Own Blog Post

Disclaimer:
This blog post is mainly for my own amusement and recall as time passes and I forget how I had an entire year of awful hair.
This also serves as a reminder to myself to treat my hair right.
You'd best believe I'll never be damaging my hair again.

Disclaimer #2:
I apologize for how narcissistic this post seems, after all, it's just hair, right? (Wrong. Ask any woman.)
Silly as it seems, it was a big deal, and resulted in a lot of pictures to document the hair-growth process over the course of a year.

As many of you know, I was that one person who fried her hair while in Europe.

They aren't kidding when they say you can blow up a blow drier or curling iron with the difference in voltage on the other side of the pond.

While preparing to go to Europe I decided I didn't want to take my nice curling iron, so I bought a cheaper one that had dual voltage for both Europe and the United States.

Fast forward to day three in Europe.

I only wash my hair every three days or so, and the night came to get it washed. 

My European voltage hair dryer worked great that night, no problems!

The next morning I plugged in the curling iron and got to work.

Unfortunately it completely stopped working about three curls in.

Also unfortunately, I would lightly hairspray my hair before curling it to help it hold the curls, so that had already been done.

When the iron stopped working I had to change my plans and use Katy's nice Chi straightener.

Again, unfortunately, it completely overheated, and I only realized how hot it was getting when I literally burned a part of my hair off right by my face.

I freaked out and panicked but tried my hardest not to worry about it for the rest of that day.

Fast forward to the next time I washed my hair in London (after one of my favorite days of the entire trip).

I was blow drying my hair that night and knew that something was incredibly wrong.

And again, unfortunately, the hairspray + the overheating straightener = a whole heck of a lot more damage than I initially thought.

My hair was scorched. 

Quite literally.

Scorched.

Here are some pictures to prove my point...

This was before, at the beginning of the trip:

I mean, look at those soft, flowing, curls!

And this, my friends... this was after the whole incident...

A frizzy, tangly, unmanageable mess.

Let's get a closer look to prove my point...

You guys, it was bad.
Real bad.

So bad that the morning after I discovered just how damaged it was, I ran around the Paris train station trying to get just enough Wi-Fi to FaceTime my mom.
I bawled like a baby.

You don't mess with a girl and her hair, that's for dang sure.

The day after I got home from Europe I called my magician of a hair stylist (seriously, she's incredible!) and told the receptionist I needed to get in ASAP.
My stylist generally books out at least six weeks, but I told the receptionist to tell Kati I had damaged my hair in Europe and it was an emergency.

She got me in right away.
(Did I already say how amazing she is?!)

I so did not want to cut off my hair, but she recommended we take quite a bit off, so I conceded, and this happened...

Fortunately, I ended up liking it (somewhat), and it helped that she did a few deep treatments on it to tame the frizzy mess that it was.

Also, fortunately, my hair grows like a weed.
My hair grows an inch to an inch and a half per MONTH.

If this had to happen to anyone, I'm glad it happened to me, because when your hair grows at that rate it doesn't take three years to grow out all of that damage.

I took the following picture in June of 2015, just eight months after damaging it, and just before chopping it off shorter than it's ever been before...

It was already nearly grown out to my chin.

So, the appointment came, and it was time to cut it all off.
Almost all of the damage would be gone, with just about an inch left at the very ends in some parts.

This was right before my appointment...

I was smiling, but I was a nervous wreck.

I loved, loved, loved, my long hair, and I was so resistant to cutting it, but I wanted that damage gone.

That wasn't even all of it!
Eek!

And here was the after...

Thankfully, I ended up absolutely falling in love with my short hair!

Just before the year anniversary of leaving for Europe, I went back for a trim with my stylist to cut the final bits of damage off.

She was astounded that my hair had grown fast enough to be able to cut off the last of it in just one year.

As I said before, if it had to happen to anyone, at least it was someone whose hair grows at non-human rates.

At my last appointment she asked if I wanted to start growing it out.

I surprised her, and myself, when I confidently said no.

So, an unfortunate situation that resulted in an entire year of painfully damaged hair, turned into a very fortunate risk I was forced to take, and ended up loving.

I baby my hair now and that includes no longer hairspraying it before curling it.

Needless to say, I learned a year-long lesson.

So there ya have it, the hair that deserves its own blog post.

(Major credit to Kati Wheat at Cake Hair Salon!)

A night of nostalgia...

Somehow I ended up spending my evening reminiscing about high school, specifically choir.

I ended up watching old videos, listening to recordings, and looking at pictures from the four years I spent in high school dedicating my life to that choir room, room M5, I believe it was? :)

I wrote a blog post about it three or so years ago, which can be found here.

But this time, I was thinking about how I wished I would have cherished those experiences so much more than I did.

Realistically, I know it's hard to get a teenager to cherish anything and realize that those years will be gone before they know it...

but I long to be able to go back to 15-year-old Melissa and tell her to write down every single performance, journal about every experience, record and save every song, and realize that those would be some of the highlights of my adolescent and young-adult life!

As I was thinking about all of this it dawned on me that I didn't really emphasize collecting those moments because I wasn't confident enough in myself to think they were worth it.

I knew I was doing great things, from State Solo & Ensemble to WMEA All-State Jazz Choir, but I didn't think that it was really my voice that got me there.

To make a long blog post short, I have definitely realized over the last couple of years that I have to make a conscious effort to realize the novelty of a moment and bookmark it in my mind.

That, along with journaling and instagram, and I think I'm golden :)

Anyway, these are just late night ramblings of a reminiscent and nostalgic 22-year-old who wishes she could just go back for one day. 

If you'd like, click here to watch me solo on a practice performance of Where Do You Start/One Less Bell to Answer from WMEA All-State Jazz Choir my senior year :)

Don't mind my voice cracking two times... 

This was after three days of straight singing, so give me a break!

Settling

I had a thought today while I was at church. 

A woman bore her testimony (click here for further information on what in the world I am talking about!) about Joseph Smith and how he sought out many different churches and church leaders to find what he felt was the right or true church. 

As she was talking about this I realized how grateful I was to him for not settling. Instead of going to a few different churches and then weighing his options and deciding to go with the best fit, he was honest with what he was feeling and did not settle for "good enough." 

He didn't think to himself, "Well, I guess this is the best one out of the five I've been to, so it'll do." 

He knew it didn't feel right. 

He didn't stay in his comfort zone, but instead, he sought growth, he sought a challenge.

Being the word lover I am, I looked up the definition of "settle," and this is what I found:

"Adopt a more steady or secure style of life."

Now trust me, I know how wonderful that sounds, particularly now as I am going through so many changes and uncertainties.

But we know that it is times of uncertainty, times of trial, that allow us to grow. 

"The stuff of growth was never made of ease..."

-Elder Dallin H. Oaks

(Full talk here)

So this is where I had my thought:

How often do we settle?

Settle for knowledge, truth, relationships, education, blessings, service, and on?

How often do we allow ourselves to stay in a "more steady or secure style of life," because that is just it, it is more comfortable, more sure, and more steady?

How much are we missing out on by settling and not reaching our full potential, the full potential that our Father in Heaven has had in store for us from the very beginning?

There is always a good, better, and best.

I am so thankful that Joseph Smith refused to settle with good or better, but went for the best.

Yes, it brought on more trials than he ever could have imagined, but without those trials he would never have been able to bless the lives of millions who have accepted the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, all because he refused to settle.

Think of the possibilities of what you could do and experience by never settling, by always aiming for the best.

I am going to try my hardest to stop settling and allow those times of uncertainty and discomfort to work to my advantage.

(Quote made by yours truly!)

May 16: Blessed

Day 16: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it.

Wow.

I've been thinking about how to go about this post for about a week now.

I worry that I'll sound conceited or as though I have the perfect life, but I can assure you, my life is far from perfect, I am far from perfect, and I definitely have many trials.

Here's the thing...

We all have things in our lives that we have to overcome, and I am no exception.

I could sit here and complain about a whole multitude of things, but I've spent the last month or two really focusing on being positive and I don't want to ruin that now.

As I've thought about this post for the past few days I've come to the conclusion that I really have been blessed in many ways.

I feel like I have my head on straight and am working towards becoming a better me every day.

Overcoming my "lot in life" has become easier and easier as I've accentuated the positive and stopped letting the negative have control.

There's power in positive thinking!

All you have to do is change your attitude :)

May 4th: Words Words Words

Day 4:

Favorite quote and why you love it.

Let me just throw a little disclaimer in here and say that I suck at picking favorites. Favorite food, favorite song, favorite movie... whatever it may be, I despise and am quite possibly incapable of picking favorites.

Instead, I prefer to choose whatever I've seemed to love the most in recent days, weeks or months.

I'm a lover of quotes (as my Pinterest followers can definitely see...) so it's very difficult to pick just one. 

But I finally settled on this...

I think I've loved this so much lately because I myself have learned a lot in the past few months and can relate to some of these realizations.

If anything, we all just need a reminder that we're in control of our happiness, we don't need to take things so seriously, and most importantly, we need to be nice to one another.

We're all going through our own personal battle.

Kindness goes a long way.

And now, one for kicks and giggles....

That kid is a genius :)

Happy Saturday!

It's just emotions taking me over

I apologize for the corny Bee Gee's blog post title.

Or maybe you prefer Destiny's Child.

I couldn't resist :)

Life has been pretty crazy these past few months.

I've been through a lot of fairly drastic changes and have spent a lot of time rethinking what I want from my future.

I've had a lot of opportunities to get down on myself, to be upset or depressed, to let loneliness or self-pity take over, or to just want to completely give up.

Instead, I've put all of my energy in to focusing on seeing the good in all of this change and unpredictability. By focusing on the positive and having faith in the Lord, everything has changed.

I'm so excited for everything to come, but more importantly I'm content with where I'm at right now. I've realized that I can't keep looking forward to where I'll be in the future, otherwise I'll spend my entire life just waiting for the next big thing rather than enjoying the ride.

We have our agency and we have the power to change our outlook on life.

I'll tell you from firsthand experience that it isn't easy, but with honest effort and desire, it is possible.

I saw this quote this morning and I can't believe how true it is.

Feelings will come.

  Sometimes they creep up on us or sometimes they hit us like a ton of bricks.

But we have the power to embrace them or control them.

We don't have to feel lonely, hopeless, depressed, self-pitying, or any other negative emotion which the adversary would love for us to embrace and ruminate about.  

This goes for everyone in every stage of life. It may be negative emotions about a spouse, negative emotions about ourselves, our children, our jobs, our education, or absolutely anything.

If you can stop those negative feelings in their tracks and channel them in to positive and uplifting ones, it makes such a huge difference and will spill over into every aspect of your life.

I've learned the valuable lesson that if we are willing to put up the fight, then we really are in control of our happiness and our destiny.

Change of Perspective

There's been this video circulating around Facebook and the blogosphere.

Take a minute to watch...

I went through an interesting and mutual break up once, where we gave some constructive criticism that we could apply to our next relationships.

(Weird, I know. That whole relationship was weird...)

One of the things he told me was to quit being so critical of things that most people never notice about myself.

He told me that the second you point it out to a guy, they notice it, and will continue to notice it.

Whether it be a physical feature, or a personality trait that you see as a flaw, chances are they haven't even noticed it.

This video brought that back to my mind and as a result I've started a challenge with myself.

Instead of looking in the mirror and noticing how observable my "flaws" are, or examining my personality and wondering how observable those "flaws" are, I've challenged myself to look at myself without those flaws in view, much like how I would be described by someone whom I just met.

Why walk around being self-conscious about things no one even notices?

Even if they do notice, who cares?

Be confident and be proud!

You're beautiful the way you are :)

Understanding Grace

It's hard for me to articulate exactly what I'm feeling, so please bear with me as I try to explain something that has been on my mind for months. 

You know those times when for months you're trying to understand something that just won't leave you alone? When the same question or concern keeps coming back to your mind and heart over and over again? When you're plagued with worry and trouble and though you receive comfort, you've yet to achieve understanding?

 You know those days when everything aligns to finally give you your answer? When you so plainly understand and peace and relief are finally spoken to your mind and your heart?

I finally had that day today.

 I finally began to understand grace.

I didn't know that grace was what I needed to understand. I wasn't aware that's what I needed to study and learn. A friend of a friend wrote a blog post about Grace. He posted a video of a devotional given by Brad Wilcox entitled, "His Grace is Sufficient," and in that I found my answer. His post can be viewed here along with the video. 

I'm way too hard on myself and I'm unfortunately learning that lesson the hard way. I'm a perfectionist. I want to be proud of myself. I hate letting myself down. I hate letting my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ down. There are many ways in which I fall short and I often focus on those instead of focusing on what I'm doing right and doing well.

Like Brad Wilcox talks about, for me it often comes down to perfection or giving up.

 This is what I've struggled with.

I've been plagued with negative thoughts such as thinking I'm not good enough, that I won't be good enough, that it's too hard, and that I don't have the strength or will power to continue striving for perfection for the rest of my life.

That's the problem.

I've been striving for perfection, not progress.

Brother Wilcox says, "When we understand grace we can continue in patience until we are perfected."

Through Christ's grace we can be transformed. Through constant practice and progress we can become better. We can learn. We can prepare for and progress towards perfection instead of simply dying to achieve it.

"So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted, rather it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road, it is achieved right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch, but the finisher's touch."

This life isn't a race in which I'll only win if I finish number one.

This life is meant to try and test us! It's supposed to be hard! What would be the point if it were easy? What would be the point if we didn't have struggles which in turn teach us and allow us to progress?

It's through the grace of Jesus Christ that all of the difference is made.

It's through the grace of Jesus Christ that we can achieve progress and, in the end, perfection.

"Grace isn't about filling gaps, it's about filling us... We can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ."

For me, that's enough.

 

The grass doesn't always have to be greener on the other side

   There's a reason adults tell children and teens to enjoy their childhood, not to grow up so fast, and that they'll miss the years they're rushing to get through. As adults we sometimes mourn for those wonderful days full of building forts, riding bikes, girls nights, football games, and our seemingly end-of-the-world break up with our boyfriend of three weeks.

When we were in it, we hated it.

     Now that we realize how easy and carefree it was (for the most part), we miss it.

We mourn it.

   Growing up hurts. It's painful, difficult, eye-opening and sometimes downright brutal. We learn the tricks of the trade - the way the real world really works...

Decisions never end.

Risks have to be taken.

The responsibilities are endless.

Your body won't let you sleep past nine o'clock.

No one works to protect you, you have to protect yourself.

Most people are more concerned with their own self-interests.

   These lessons are realized experience after experience, mistake after mistake, and triumph after triumph. It's hard, yet it's beautiful. The thing is, that's just the way it works. No matter how hard we try, every eight-year-old, every teenager, every recent high school graduate is going to wish the same thing - to just grow up.

Innocence and ignorance.

That's the simple beauty of it.

   As hard, painful, difficult, eye-opening and brutal as it may be, something wonderful happens as we all go through it. We come to find out who we are, who we want to be, what we stand for, and who stands for us. I wouldn't trade it for anything, not even the hide-and-seek, all-nighters, or senior-skip days. We have the power and agency to live a life full of the things that make us happy, forts and college-junior-skip-days included. No matter what decisions we're facing, what risks we're taking, what responsibilities are weighing us down, how tired we are at eight o'clock on a Friday night, how exposed we feel, and how wronged we have been, we learn how to live a truly beautiful life.

We make the moments that in turn make us.

   We're in control of our happiness. We come to realize that making the most of every decision, every responsibility, every risk, every hardship, and every day is how we come to know happiness. The key to our outlook on life lies within ourselves.

We must simply be content.

For Times of Trouble

  Thank goodness I have the Gospel in my life to cling to when the waters get rough. I finally put forth the money to buy a book I've been wanting for a little while. I've spent an entire day reading it and watching segments from the accompanying DVD. To say the least, it's kept me sane and kept me focused on the fact that this isn't the end of the world. 

Life moves on. I'll move on, too. It means a new job, it may mean a new major, and maybe even a new school. That's the beauty of life. Time moves on and drags you along with it. You may as well make the most of it, because the time will pass either way.

"One of the unfailing facts of mortal life is the recurring presence of trouble... When these difficult days (and nights!) come - and they will - it will help us to remember that 'it must needs be,' that in the grand councils of heaven before the world was, we agreed to such a time of challenge and refinement. We were taught then that facing, resolving, and enduring troublesome times was the price we would pay for progress. And we were committed to progress eternally." 

"An old Baptist preacher told me once in a BYU meeting I was in with him, he said, 'What I've learned in this life is we can all have what we want, or something better.' I think that's the way God sees it. The only time you wouldn't get what you want, is if He has something better, and as a good parent, would overrule for your good."

 "First of all, foremost, you will not be tested, you will not be tried, you will not be pushed beyond your ability to withstand and endure and prevail. Now that's a promise, it's God's promise, so I just work here. You won't be pushed beyond hope, you won't be pushed beyond faith, you won't be pushed beyond what the future has in store for you."

 For Times of Trouble - Jeffrey R. Holland

"My convictions and my feelings for the Savior of the world have been born in the most desperate hours of my life, when I wondered whether the sun would ever come up again. It seemed to come up for other people, it seemed to come up every morning for everybody else I could see, but not for me. Now it isn't always like that and it's not supposed to always be like that, and we're a little self-pitying if we act like it's always like that, but some parts of the discipleship require that walk, basically His walk."

My Day

Today started out dreary and it didn't hold much promise.

When your alarm goes off at 7, and just for kicks you check the temperature outside and it's -3 degrees, you know it's bound to be a rough Monday.

Getting out of bed I groaned and rubbed my eyes, realizing that I was the only one in my apartment that was awake.

Then, I remembered this:

So I changed my attitude and decided to make getting out of bed worth it.

Changing your attitude can suck, but it can make a world of difference.

Walking to my first class (which is on the complete opposite side of campus, a nearly twenty minute walk, uphill...) in -3 degree weather with a wind chill on top of that, would not normally be a great start to my day.

But - you're about to think I'm crazy - there's something invigorating about freezing to the degree of numbness.

Getting to class, I was awake and ready for the day.

So thanks, Rexburg, for the wake up call to stop complaining about the things in life that I can't change.

Sometimes, you just have to realize that life is beautiful.

My Secrets to a Happy Day

Sometimes it takes a bad day, or week, or month, to really accentuate all of the great things you have in life.

When I have control of my life, just do things (even if I really don't want to), and focus on serving others rather than serving myself, I am so much happier.

These are the things that saved me from drowning yesterday:

1. Exercise. I can't even begin to describe how much running decreases my stress and brightens my mood. That alone makes my day go a million times better

2. I slept. A lot. I made myself find the time and took an hour long nap, and then last night I got 9 solid hours of sleep

(Thank you to my Child Development teacher for cancelling class!)

3. I started a (mostly) no-sugar diet yesterday. I'll be doing that until Thanksgiving, so nearly the entire month. I'm modeling it off of the picture that follows, but taking it a little further with no fruit snacks, granola bars, sugary cereals, and so on.

4. Thanks to Kathryn, I started my morning by thinking about things that I'm thankful for. We're going to put one thing a day that we're thankful for on our Facebooks :)

5. I began my morning doing service. I looked out the window this morning as I was doing dishes and noticed that some immature college kids had smashed a million pumpkins on the ground below our apartment, and it was a mess. Kathryn and I knew that Arden, our groundskeeper would have to clean it up, and we felt bad. So we took ten minutes to go outside and put all of the frozen pumpkin pieces into garbage bags and left a note for him.

(We couldn't carry them to the garbage because they'd break...)

Doing service really does put you in an incredible mood.

So no more slumps for me for a while.

I'm going to keep these five things in mind.

It might be the only thing that keeps me sane :)

One Kind Soul

Yesterday I was in the Crossroads getting lunch.

I was in the line to check out and when I went to grab my wallet, I realized I didn't have it.

No problem, I just asked the lady to charge it to my school account.

Problem: You need photo i.d to do that.

Bigger problem: I didn't have my wallet, hence, no photo i.d.

As the lady and I were standing there in awkwardness, trying to figure out what to do, the gentleman behind me told the lady he would pay for my lunch.

I was stunned.

In a completely non-creepy, and quite gentlemanly way, he paid for my lunch, and when I asked what I could to do pay him back, he simply said nothing, told me to have a nice day, and walked away.

 

That might be the nicest random act of service anyone's ever done for me.

I wish he knew just how gracious and humbled I am.

Honestly, how many people would do that for a completely random stranger?

The Tale of the Car Wash

So today after work I had to run to the store.

On the way I saw the car wash and realized that it wasn't supposed to rain for a week

and I really, desperately, honestly needed a car wash.

So I did it and on the way out I realized that there were vacuums I could use for free.

I made a few mistakes throughout this whole process.

Mistake #1: I didn't realize that I was wearing a skirt until I was in the middle of the car wash

Mistake #2: I decided to vacuum out my car, while wearing said skirt

Mistake #3: I had to crouch down a little to vacuum out my lovely car, but didn't realize that there was some water on the pavement

Mistake #4: Letting my skirt touch the ground while I was vacuuming - this resulted in a soaking wet hem on the back of my skirt

Mistake #5: Doing all of this before my trip to the store

Yes, I walked through Albertson's with a skirt that was pretty close to dripping water.

Needless to say, from now on, before I go to the car wash I'll think twice about my attire.