What a Year

Going in to 2016 I anticipated a year full of change, but oh how I greatly underestimated just how much change, and how much of it would be for the better.

Along with a lot of change, 2016 brought so much fun, growth, and opportunity.

As always, there were hard days and weeks, but I have to say that overall this year has been one for the books.
I've loved every minute of it.

I skied multiple times throughout our snowy January and February.

Birthday ski trip with @nroej was an absolute blast! Thanks, Natalie! A huge thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes yesterday! It's going to be a great year!

Swapped the Salt Lake smog for clear skies and a little shoop shoop this afternoon. (Friends reference, anyone?!). I've gotta say, it sure was beautiful up there today.

After applying to graduate school and being surprised with multiple acceptances, I finally decided on BYU and within a matter of weeks I put in my notice at The Adoption Exchange and moved to Provo to start early during Spring Term. 

I sure miss working with these ladies! 

Over my first summer off from school or work for the first time in years, I got to play mom to all of my nieces and nephews at different times while both of my sisters took trips with their husbands.

It only reminded me that the most important thing is family, and I can't wait for the day that I have little babies to call my own :) 

Instead of writing a novel about how incredibly fun and exhausting this weekend has been, I'll just say that I didn't think it was possible to love my nieces and nephews more, but apparently it is, and that's fine by me.

I had such a fun time watching this wild bunch for a few days! They went all out to make sure grandma was extra welcomed when she came to join us for the weekend. From chalk to homemade ice cream and Zootopia, we sure did have a blast! 

After moving to Provo, and through a series of very unfortunate events, I ended up moving three times in six months, but ultimately ended up in the best place I've ever lived.

I wasn't too thrilled about Utah County, but instead of sulking about it, I got out and enjoyed everything that my new home has to offer.

Kicked off the Fourth of July weekend with a gorgeous hike to Squaw Peak! These Utah mountains continue to amaze me! 

I also lucked out with a fantastic roommate who's become a truly great friend, too :)

I am beyond grateful for the loving service I've received from my roommates, classmates, friends, and family over this last week, especially from this girl right here. She's been more than willing to give me rides to and from school and hasn't complained one bit. It's been a humbling thing for me to ask for an accept the service of others, but to everyone who's reached out and helped, please know you've helped to #lighttheworld, even if it's just been in my little corner. "Service doesn't have to be big and grandiose to be meaningful and make a difference." Cheryl A. Esplin

I went to a ton of concerts, including Tyrone Wells, Tim McGraw, Brett Eldredge and Keith Urban, Coldplay, and Carrie Underwood. 

I visited Santa Barbara for the first time, and although I'm not a Cali girl, I'll admit that Santra Barbara sure is beautiful!

I had a blast with my friend Amy at Universal Studios (mainly Harry Potter World), watching the olympics for hours on end, and bumming on the beach.

I got in my first car accident in a decade of driving.

It was a truly terrifying and humbling experience that has left me struggling to drive on the freeway without having a panic attack, but boy am I thankful for the angels that were surrounding me that night.

I finally attended multiple BYU football games as a student.

And last but not least, I started and completed my first term and full semester of my graduate program.

So many people told me before I started that it would be the hardest thing I ever did and that they didn't miss their time in graduate school.

While it definitely hasn't been easy, it's also easily been the best thing I've ever done.

I love my program, I love my field, and I love the girls (and two guys ;) ) that I spend countless hours with in the outcasted Taylor building on BYU's campus. 

I've made lifelong friends and colleagues and every day I'm more and more excited to be a Speech-Language Pathologist. 

Completely candid and cliche first day of school picture. It's my (second) first day of graduate school, but Spring Term only partially counted, so today is the real deal. Here's to months of sleepless nights, tears over horribly challenging exams, and eventual relief at the end of the semester only to start it all over again a week later. But yet, I still couldn't fall asleep last night because I was so excited. Some things never change! Here goes nothin'!

Had the best time tonight at BYU's New Graduate Student Dinner! My cohort is the best (including those not pictured), and I'm so happy we all have each other to rely on over the next two years of chaos!

I've been filled with so much gratitude for the opportunities, challenges, trials, and blessings I've been given, and I wouldn't change a thing from the past 365 days.

What a year.

Here's to an equally fantastic 2017!

Father's Day

It's been a quick minute since I posted last, but I had too many thoughts today about Father's Day than could be shared in a simple Facebook or Instagram post.

For the last two years I had one goal in mind: to go to graduate school at Utah State. 

Everyone knew it, and in my mind as long as I got accepted it would be a no-brainer and the easiest decision I ever had to make.

Fast forward to applications being submitted, interviews with schools, and incredibly important emails containing my fate...

I was accepted to Utah State, but I was also accepted to all of the other programs I had applied to, and BYU really stood out to me when I had my interview with them.

I knew from the moment I walked out of my interview that I would end up at BYU, and a part of me was really excited about it, but a part of me didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to let go of my dream of getting accepted to and attending Utah State, and I also wasn't particularly thrilled about moving to Provo. Once I received a scholarship offer from BYU I knew the decision was made and I started to get excited about the big upcoming changes. 

I decided to start in the Spring, which meant putting in my two weeks notice at work, figuring out financial aid, finding a place to live, and finishing up my last semester of my second bachelor's degree two weeks early to be able to start school at BYU.

It was a hectic few weeks to say the least and finding a weekend to move was nearly impossible.

My parents had a trip planned to visit my sister in Idaho one weekend, but I had to beg my dad to stay and miss seeing his grandkids so he could be here to help me move.

Moving day came and on three hours of sleep I showed up to my parents' house to go and pick up the rental truck.

I was exhausted, I was stressed, and I was terrified about the major changes that were about to happen.

Right when I walked in the door my dad gave me a hug and said he understood it all without me even really explaining why I had such a sleepless night.

Holding back tears, he made me breakfast and we were on our way.

Hours later after getting moved out of my old house and into the new one, my dad stuck around to help me clean and get settled. We took a trip to Home Depot to pick up a few things, and the physical and emotional exhaustion set in. 

I wasn't happy with my current situation for a myriad of reasons and I was taking it out on my dad. He was trying to help me and was going above and beyond, but my patience was wearing very thin.

At one point after apologizing for all of the trouble and thanking my dad again for helping, he stopped me and said something to the effect of, "Look, until you're married and you have a man in your life, you're the woman in my life besides your mom." 

In my emotionally and physically exhausted state this translated to, "Hey Melissa, your life sucks because you're not married and that's why you're in this situation."

I cried right there in the lighting section of Home Depot.

After a good night of sleep and some clarity, I was ashamed at how I had acted and how I had misinterpreted my dad's comment. 

See, my dad has never been incredibly affectionate vocally, but looking back on that weekend that he spent with me - foregoing visiting his grandkids to help me move, spending two days cleaning with me, taking trips to Home Depot and buying me a few things I wouldn't have spent the money on myself, making me dinner and taking me out to lunch - all of those actions spoke volumes about the lengths that my father is willing to go to for me.

They were simple things, things you might say a father is supposed to do, but for me, in those moments of unfamiliar and uncomfortable, I had my dad by my side, and that truly meant the world to me.

So now I know, instead of meaning that I am a burden to my father and subjected to certain situations because I don't have a spouse in my life, he meant that it was his privilege to help me in any way he could.

(I'll also throw in here that I am, in fact, perfectly content with my marital status at this point in my life ;) )

I'm not sure he knows this, but that was one of those comments that will stick with me for a long time to come.

I love you dad, Happy Father's Day!

That one time I graduated college...

My graduation day was truly fantastic in every way.

We started off the morning with a breakfast in the park, provided by my amazing mother.

We had a dutch oven breakfast, which we call "mountain man" in our family, as well as delicious fruit and homemade banana and pumpkin bread. 

Yeah, my mom is fantastic.

Then I spent a good part of the day packing up my apartment and running errands.

After a quick nap, it was time to get all dolled up for the big night!

I'll provide pictures in chronological order :)

These are some of my fellow Child Development graduates!

Commencement was so good!

It felt so surreal to be sitting in the I-center for the last time in a long time.

I had the privilege of singing at the dedication of that incredible building nearly four years ago, and now I was sitting there listening to President Clark and others give me advice for the future.

I loved every minute of it!

After Commencement we went outside to have a little photo shoot, courtesy of my sister Jen :)

All four of my grandparents were there! It was such an incredible blessing that they were all healthy and able to attend and be a part of such an important day in my life!

My sisters (plus Caroline)!

I love those women and look up to them both so much!

The original five!

I love this family of mine :)

From there we had to speed up to the Hinckley building where the convocation for my college was held.

I quickly freshened up my lipstick and got up on the stand because I was honored to be asked to speak at my convocation!

That meant my family had VIP seating ;)

I loved every minute of the convocation program as well, almost more than commencement! 

Then it was finally time to walk across stage and receive my diploma (or rather, my diploma cover).

All of the family!

  

My parents finally got to meet my favorite professor and best boss ever!

I learned so much from Brother Rarick and was fortunate enough to be able to TA (teacher's assistant) for him for a year as well! Mackenzie was a TA with me :)

After all of the festivities were over, we were starved.

My grandparents all left to head back to the hotel and my nieces and nephews were all safely tucked in bed and being watched by babysitters, so we took advantage and went out to a quick dinner!

I realized that this was the first time we had all been together, just the five of us, no husbands or kids (with the exception of little Caroline), in nearly a decade! 

We had the best time talking and laughing.

My dad recognized the novelty of the situation and snapped a picture of his four leading ladies.

Even a fellow dad passing by commented that he was one lucky man!

I was able to end a truly fantastic day with the people I love the most, and I will cherish that hour or so for a very long time to come.

Thank you to everyone who made a trip to help me celebrate!

I am officially a college graduate!

:)

Finals week festivities

It seemed like the end of the semester came and went before I could even blink.

It was a very busy two weeks, but in the sense that I had a lot of activities to attend, not that I had a lot of finals.

This was actually one of the easiest finals weeks I've ever had, and I definitely wasn't complaining!

It all started with a field trip to Utah with my Child and Family Advocacy class.

We went down on a day trip to visit with LDS Public Affairs as well as various representatives at the Utah State Capitol. 

It was also 7/11 that day, and not having any 7/11's in Rexburg, we had to make a stop (twice) in Utah to get free slurpees! 

A few days later my ward had our closing social. It was at our Bishop's dad's property in Saint Anthony. It was gorgeous. We did some canoeing, paddle boating, volleyball playing, and dutch oven eating :)

Then it came time to spend my last night all together with these lovely people pictured below.

We went to G's Dairy and had some delicious Reed's ice cream and then went back to our apartment for a couple cutthroat rounds of catchphrase, just like old times!

Then before I knew it, it was Grad Night!
I was asked to give the opening prayer, so this was my view...

That really made it set in that graduation was coming, and it was coming fast.

On the second to last day of my Child and Family Advocacy class we had a huge breakfast.

It was so much fun and I'm definitely going to miss that class!

I spent the weekend before finals and graduation busting my booty to get everything done for the rest of my undergraduate career!

It was an insanely busy and incredibly exhausting two days of over 12 hours working on homework, but it was so worth it. 

My family came into town on Sunday for my niece Caroline's baby blessing, so it was nice to have everything out of the way for some good quality family time.

(More on all of that to come soon!)

Needless to say, it was a very busy but very great last couple of weeks in Rexburg.
Now I'm moved home and not-so-patiently awaiting September 23rd, when I will be on a plane headed to Europe to study abroad for three and a half weeks!

Stay tuned for more about Caroline's blessing and my graduation!

May 4th: Words Words Words

Day 4:

Favorite quote and why you love it.

Let me just throw a little disclaimer in here and say that I suck at picking favorites. Favorite food, favorite song, favorite movie... whatever it may be, I despise and am quite possibly incapable of picking favorites.

Instead, I prefer to choose whatever I've seemed to love the most in recent days, weeks or months.

I'm a lover of quotes (as my Pinterest followers can definitely see...) so it's very difficult to pick just one. 

But I finally settled on this...

I think I've loved this so much lately because I myself have learned a lot in the past few months and can relate to some of these realizations.

If anything, we all just need a reminder that we're in control of our happiness, we don't need to take things so seriously, and most importantly, we need to be nice to one another.

We're all going through our own personal battle.

Kindness goes a long way.

And now, one for kicks and giggles....

That kid is a genius :)

Happy Saturday!

It's just emotions taking me over

I apologize for the corny Bee Gee's blog post title.

Or maybe you prefer Destiny's Child.

I couldn't resist :)

Life has been pretty crazy these past few months.

I've been through a lot of fairly drastic changes and have spent a lot of time rethinking what I want from my future.

I've had a lot of opportunities to get down on myself, to be upset or depressed, to let loneliness or self-pity take over, or to just want to completely give up.

Instead, I've put all of my energy in to focusing on seeing the good in all of this change and unpredictability. By focusing on the positive and having faith in the Lord, everything has changed.

I'm so excited for everything to come, but more importantly I'm content with where I'm at right now. I've realized that I can't keep looking forward to where I'll be in the future, otherwise I'll spend my entire life just waiting for the next big thing rather than enjoying the ride.

We have our agency and we have the power to change our outlook on life.

I'll tell you from firsthand experience that it isn't easy, but with honest effort and desire, it is possible.

I saw this quote this morning and I can't believe how true it is.

Feelings will come.

  Sometimes they creep up on us or sometimes they hit us like a ton of bricks.

But we have the power to embrace them or control them.

We don't have to feel lonely, hopeless, depressed, self-pitying, or any other negative emotion which the adversary would love for us to embrace and ruminate about.  

This goes for everyone in every stage of life. It may be negative emotions about a spouse, negative emotions about ourselves, our children, our jobs, our education, or absolutely anything.

If you can stop those negative feelings in their tracks and channel them in to positive and uplifting ones, it makes such a huge difference and will spill over into every aspect of your life.

I've learned the valuable lesson that if we are willing to put up the fight, then we really are in control of our happiness and our destiny.

Understanding Grace

It's hard for me to articulate exactly what I'm feeling, so please bear with me as I try to explain something that has been on my mind for months. 

You know those times when for months you're trying to understand something that just won't leave you alone? When the same question or concern keeps coming back to your mind and heart over and over again? When you're plagued with worry and trouble and though you receive comfort, you've yet to achieve understanding?

 You know those days when everything aligns to finally give you your answer? When you so plainly understand and peace and relief are finally spoken to your mind and your heart?

I finally had that day today.

 I finally began to understand grace.

I didn't know that grace was what I needed to understand. I wasn't aware that's what I needed to study and learn. A friend of a friend wrote a blog post about Grace. He posted a video of a devotional given by Brad Wilcox entitled, "His Grace is Sufficient," and in that I found my answer. His post can be viewed here along with the video. 

I'm way too hard on myself and I'm unfortunately learning that lesson the hard way. I'm a perfectionist. I want to be proud of myself. I hate letting myself down. I hate letting my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ down. There are many ways in which I fall short and I often focus on those instead of focusing on what I'm doing right and doing well.

Like Brad Wilcox talks about, for me it often comes down to perfection or giving up.

 This is what I've struggled with.

I've been plagued with negative thoughts such as thinking I'm not good enough, that I won't be good enough, that it's too hard, and that I don't have the strength or will power to continue striving for perfection for the rest of my life.

That's the problem.

I've been striving for perfection, not progress.

Brother Wilcox says, "When we understand grace we can continue in patience until we are perfected."

Through Christ's grace we can be transformed. Through constant practice and progress we can become better. We can learn. We can prepare for and progress towards perfection instead of simply dying to achieve it.

"So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted, rather it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road, it is achieved right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch, but the finisher's touch."

This life isn't a race in which I'll only win if I finish number one.

This life is meant to try and test us! It's supposed to be hard! What would be the point if it were easy? What would be the point if we didn't have struggles which in turn teach us and allow us to progress?

It's through the grace of Jesus Christ that all of the difference is made.

It's through the grace of Jesus Christ that we can achieve progress and, in the end, perfection.

"Grace isn't about filling gaps, it's about filling us... We can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ."

For me, that's enough.

 

Graduate

As of today I officially have my Associate's degree.

Now before you get all "congratulatory" on me, all it really means is that I have a paper stating I have an Associate of Science degree.

Technically I could have applied and received my Associate's one year ago.

I didn't even realize it was all official until I saw all of my friends posting about graduation today, and I thought, "oh, hey, I guess that means I officially have my Associate's degree. Party!"

And that was the end of the story.

I decided this semester to get it in paper just in case I wanted to transfer to University of Utah or BYU Provo get my Bachelor's degree, but I've decided to stick with BYU-Idaho because I'm already so far along into my major work.

So I'll be getting my Bachelor's degree July of 2014 from BYU-Idaho!

THEN we'll have something big to celebrate!

An accurate depiction of my level of excitement for the day ;)

I think I'll celebrate with a bowl of ice cream (which I do on a daily basis anyway...).

C'est la vie :)

The grass doesn't always have to be greener on the other side

   There's a reason adults tell children and teens to enjoy their childhood, not to grow up so fast, and that they'll miss the years they're rushing to get through. As adults we sometimes mourn for those wonderful days full of building forts, riding bikes, girls nights, football games, and our seemingly end-of-the-world break up with our boyfriend of three weeks.

When we were in it, we hated it.

     Now that we realize how easy and carefree it was (for the most part), we miss it.

We mourn it.

   Growing up hurts. It's painful, difficult, eye-opening and sometimes downright brutal. We learn the tricks of the trade - the way the real world really works...

Decisions never end.

Risks have to be taken.

The responsibilities are endless.

Your body won't let you sleep past nine o'clock.

No one works to protect you, you have to protect yourself.

Most people are more concerned with their own self-interests.

   These lessons are realized experience after experience, mistake after mistake, and triumph after triumph. It's hard, yet it's beautiful. The thing is, that's just the way it works. No matter how hard we try, every eight-year-old, every teenager, every recent high school graduate is going to wish the same thing - to just grow up.

Innocence and ignorance.

That's the simple beauty of it.

   As hard, painful, difficult, eye-opening and brutal as it may be, something wonderful happens as we all go through it. We come to find out who we are, who we want to be, what we stand for, and who stands for us. I wouldn't trade it for anything, not even the hide-and-seek, all-nighters, or senior-skip days. We have the power and agency to live a life full of the things that make us happy, forts and college-junior-skip-days included. No matter what decisions we're facing, what risks we're taking, what responsibilities are weighing us down, how tired we are at eight o'clock on a Friday night, how exposed we feel, and how wronged we have been, we learn how to live a truly beautiful life.

We make the moments that in turn make us.

   We're in control of our happiness. We come to realize that making the most of every decision, every responsibility, every risk, every hardship, and every day is how we come to know happiness. The key to our outlook on life lies within ourselves.

We must simply be content.