Our flight from New York to Dublin was quite possibly some of the worst hours of my life. I was dreadfully tired but also so excited for the month ahead. As soon as we were settled on the plane and up in the air I turned on a movie and took an over the counter sleep aid in hopes that I would be able to get a few hours of shut-eye.
In true Melissa fashion, being unable to sleep anywhere but a bed, the pill just made me groggy to the point that I so badly wanted to be asleep and was miserably uncomfortable. The closest I could get to sleep was that "in-between" where you know you're awake, but you're headed towards sleep. Something would inevitably snap me out of that state and I'd be wide awake again.
After hours of trying to fall asleep and dozens of failed awkward airplane seat sleep positions, I gave up, turned on classical music, and opened the window.
It was a perfectly clear night, and the stars were unlike anything I've ever seen. Being so high in the air in the dead of the night with clear skies was really something. I'm not sure what it is about nature, but it allowed me to accept the fact that I wouldn't be sleeping at all on that flight, and provided a lot of relief from the frustration I had been feeling.
Before long the sun began to rise, and if I thought the stars were beautiful, this sunrise easily took first place. I started to think about the world and just how massive it really is, and how many people there are out there leading such different lives. I thought about technology and how insane it was that I was flying through the air in a one million pound contraption. Instead of taking days by boat to get to Ireland, I had flown from Salt Lake to JFK to Dublin in just about 24 hours.
I started thinking about God and how grand His creations are. For how beautiful the world is, His prized creation is that of us, each of us, individually. Not only would I experience amazing places over the next month, but I would meet amazing people. It was in these moments watching the sunrise that a tiny part of my heart began to open up to the experiences I didn't yet know I would have. In a way those miserable hours on that plane gave me one of the greatest gifts of my entire trip, just by preparing me for everything I would see and everyone I would meet.
I realized that had I been sleeping I would have missed the stars and that ethereal sunrise.
Sure, my trip still would have been absolutely incredible, but I am so thankful for those spiritual moments on that flight that, though I didn't know it at the time, would prepare me for a month of seeing more than just cities and buildings, but seeing my Father in Heaven in every mountain and monument we travelled to and every person I would meet.
I also realized that the moments in our lives that are the hardest always bring the greatest rewards, even if it is just taking you from point A to point B.
So, as my friend Jeffrey R. Holland has said, "If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived."
We drove our bus onto a ferry and took the ferry across the Irish Sea to Wales.
It was a beautiful ferry ride, but what awaited us on the other end was beyond beautiful!
I was in heaven as we drove through Wales to get to Preston, England, our next destination.
I wish I could describe Wales, but it's something you just have to see. Let's just say that it definitely made my list of places to return to and explore later in life!
Once we got to Preston we headed straight to the Preston temple to do some work.
They aren't accustomed to such big groups at this temple, so it was quite an adventure getting over thirty of us through the baptistry!
Afterwards we were fed a traditional meal in the cafeteria.
There were some parts of it that I wasn't such a big fan of, like the rhubarb pie, but everything else was pretty delicious!
The temple workers were all so welcoming, and it was a truly great experience.
The rest of that day was spent back at the hotel resting up from jet-lag and a crazy two days we spent in Ireland.
A big group of us took over the lobby with some fairly intense games of Egyptian Ratscrew and Catch Phrase.
It was a great day :)
The next day we met a church historian, Peter Fagg, who took us on a really incredible walking church history tour of Preston!
We saw so many amazing things, including the home where Gordon B. Hinckley stayed on his mission in Preston, and the River Ribble where the first church members were baptized.
It was an amazing experience to spend the day learning about the early Latter-day Saints in Preston.
River Ribble, Preston, England
This is the home where President Gordon B. Hinckley stayed on his mission in Preston.
He was sitting in his room in the top right hand window when he was feeling a little discouraged about his mission and why he was there spending so much of his family's money for such little reward.
He opened a letter from his dad and in it read, "Forget yourself and go to work," which we heard President Hinckley quote so many times throughout his time as a general authority for the church.
That is such a powerful lesson that we can all learn no matter our situation, whether as a missionary, a mom, or a mechanic.
Just forget yourself and go to work.
Serve one another.
Our stay in Preston was an unexpected surprise and I am very thankful I had the opportunity to visit a city so rich with the history of this gospel!
I have had quite a few requests from family and close friends to read the speech I gave at the Department of Education and Human Development convocation just over a month ago. So, if you're interested, enjoy!
Congratulations
to all of my fellow graduates! I am sure I am not alone in feeling that this
entire day has been so surreal. I have experienced many emotions including
excitement, humility, and relief! We made it to this very important milestone
in each of our lives, but it was not without effort. We are all sitting here,
about to walk across this stage and receive our diplomas because we put in
time, effort, and a lot of sacrifice to make it to this point. Fortunately, I
believe we can all look back and see our efforts were not wasted. We are not
sitting here today feeling like we wasted our time, or that we could have done
something better with the last 4 or more years. This is because this time in
our lives has been filled with growth. As we walk across the stage and receive
our diploma, we are being rewarded with an incredible amount of growth; growth
in faith, growth in knowledge, growth in experiences, growth in relationships,
growth in character, and growth in testimony. Our ultimate reward is that over
our time at this remarkable university, we have experienced growth in more ways
than we can possibly realize. Our diploma, simply a piece of paper, is
meaningless without the realization of what it represents – our sacrifice of so
many things to be able to grow personally, emotionally, spiritually, and
academically.
So
what now? I for one know that I have experienced all of those great emotions
today, but over the past few weeks I have also experienced a lot of fear and
anxiety over what lies ahead. I have felt a resistance to the big changes that
are going to occur in my life now that this stage is over, and this is coming
from a girl who has moved more times than she can count in the last 22 years. I
have never felt more resistance to change than I have lately. As I’ve thought
about this, along with all of the positive emotions I have felt, I’ve realized
a few key things.
First,
fear cannot dictate our choices. Elder Neil L. Andersen, in the October 2008
general conference stated, “Challenges, difficulties, questions, doubts – these
are part of our mortality. But we are not alone. As disciples of the Lord Jesus
Christ, we have enormous spiritual reservoirs of light and truth available to
us. Fear and faith cannot coexist in our hearts at the same time. In our days
of difficulty, we choose the road of faith. Jesus said, ‘Be not afraid, only
believe.’” Ultimately, we have to make the decision to place faith over fear.
Ultimately, we all have to come to believe and know that with the Lord, it will
all work out. This leads to my second point.
Putting
our faith in the Lord does not mean we will not experience difficulties. As I’m
sure we already have, we will all continue to face challenges and trials in our
lives. This is what allows us to grow! Think back to some of the hardest
classes you have taken – were those challenging courses not so rewarding in the
ways you grew as a result of your time and effort? Without challenges, we would
not experience growth. Elder Dallin H. Oaks has stated, “We may have to struggle
to achieve our goals, but our struggles may yield as much growth as our
learning. The strengths we develop in overcoming challenges will be with us in
the eternities to come. We should not envy those whose financial or
intellectual resources make it easy. The stuff of growth was never made of
ease, and persons who have it easy will need to experience their growth with
other sacrifices or forego the advancement that is the purpose of life.” Growth
occurs as we push through trials, realizing that with the Lord, it will all
work out as long as we have placed our faith and trust in him. Proverbs 3:5-6
reads, “Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own
understanding. In all thy way acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.”
This brings me to my third and final point.
Elder
Russell M. Nelson, in the October 2013 General Conference began his talk,
“Decision for Eternity” by saying, “My dear brothers and sisters, each day is a
day of decision. President Thomas S. Monson has taught us that ‘decisions
determine destiny.’ The wise use of your freedom to make your own decision is
crucial to your spiritual growth, now and for eternity. You are never too young
to learn, never too old to change. Your yearnings to learn and change come from
a divinely instilled striving for eternal progression. Each day brings
opportunities for eternity.” We have been given the beautiful gift of agency.
We have the ability to make our own choices, to choose each day if we will put
faith over fear, to choose each day if we will trust the Lord in our trials. We
have been given the gift of being able to choose to put our circumstances to
work for us, no matter how ideal or not ideal they may be.
These
are all things that we have all learned in some way or another over our time at
this University. These are all things that we know, that we have gained a
testimony of, that we truly believe.
So
now, as we all move on, to graduate school, a career, marriage, motherhood or
fatherhood, or whatever it may be, we do so remaining steadfast to these things
we have learned. We know that our efforts have not been wasted, that our growth
has not been wasted.
I
would like to close with an excerpt from a talk President Gordon B. Hinckley
gave at this very pulpit as he dedicated this Hinckley building. In a very
powerful closing statement, which I will do my best to emulate, he states to
students just like us, “Be faithful, be true, go forward, be ambitious, don’t
short circuit yourself, don’t stop now, keep going. Educate your minds and your
spirits, and never lose sight of the fact that you’re a child of God with a
divine destiny, and capable of doing great and good and wonderful things, don’t
sell yourself short, don’t cheapen yourselves. You know who you are, you know
that you are a Child of God, and that your Heavenly Father expects something
great and noble and good of each of you… keep the faith, you’ll marry, you’ll have
children, you’ll have grandchildren, you’ll go out and do the work of this
world, but maintain your integrity, be honest, be good, be decent, be
prayerful, and the God of heaven will smile upon you and bless you, and give
happiness into your heart and a sense of peace in your lives. There’s no end in
sight for the good you can do, you know it? You’re just simple kids, you’re not
geniuses, I know that. But the work of the world isn’t done by geniuses; it’s
done by ordinary people who have learned to work in an extraordinary way.”
To
all of my fellow graduates, I would say – over our time at this University we
have learned to work in an extraordinary way. Utilizing our education and the
growth we have experienced, we will be able to go out into the world and do
extraordinary things, whatever they may be. As we go forward in life keeping
these things in mind – to remain faithful, to put our faith in the Lord, and to
use our agency wisely, we will be blessed and be able to overcome trials,
growing and learning as we were sent here to do.
A woman bore her testimony (click here for further information on what in the world I am talking about!) about Joseph Smith and how he sought out many different churches and church leaders to find what he felt was the right or true church.
As she was talking about this I realized how grateful I was to him for not settling. Instead of going to a few different churches and then weighing his options and deciding to go with the best fit, he was honest with what he was feeling and did not settle for "good enough."
He didn't think to himself, "Well, I guess this is the best one out of the five I've been to, so it'll do."
He knew it didn't feel right.
He didn't stay in his comfort zone, but instead, he sought growth, he sought a challenge.
Being the word lover I am, I looked up the definition of "settle," and this is what I found:
"Adopt a more steady or secure style of life."
Now trust me, I know how wonderful that sounds, particularly now as I am going through so many changes and uncertainties.
But we know that it is times of uncertainty, times of trial, that allow us to grow.
Settle for knowledge, truth, relationships, education, blessings, service, and on?
How often do we allow ourselves to stay in a "more steady or secure style of life," because that is just it, it is more comfortable, more sure, and more steady?
How much are we missing out on by settling and not reaching our full potential, the full potential that our Father in Heaven has had in store for us from the very beginning?
I am so thankful that Joseph Smith refused to settle with good or better, but went for the best.
Yes, it brought on more trials than he ever could have imagined, but without those trials he would never have been able to bless the lives of millions who have accepted the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, all because he refused to settle.
Think of the possibilities of what you could do and experience by never settling, by always aiming for the best.
I am going to try my hardest to stop settling and allow those times of uncertainty and discomfort to work to my advantage.
I am so thankful for the lesson we had today about hope, given from President Uchtdorf's talk, The Infinite Power of Hope, found here.
Just as we often hear that faith is the antidote to fear, hope is the antidote to despair.
When we are fearful or are in despair, we lose faith and hope in Heavenly Father and His son, and in their ability to heal us and help us through anything and everything.
"Hope is one leg of a three-legged stool, together with faith and charity. These three stabilize our lives regardless of the rough or uneven surfaces we might encounter at the time... Hope has the power to fill our lives with happiness."
We all have moments of despair or sorrow, where our hope may seem to falter or even seem lost.
As we learn to rely on our faith in those moments, He will be there to take our hand and help pull us through.
How thankful I am for my Father in Heaven and His patience with me and His willingness to always be there for me, even in moments where the last thing I might want to do is turn to Him.
A couple of weeks ago I read a blog post where the girl shared a suggestion that would (hopefully) help others to be less critical of their appearance.
(For the life of me I cannot remember which blog it was and I have searched endlessly and still can't find it. So if you know who it was, or if it was you, tell me so I can link it and give credit!)
She said that when you look in the mirror, look at yourself as if you're looking at a stranger. I read some of the comments and one girl mentioned that she knew she would be fooling herself so there's no way it would work. Some others mentioned that they had tried it and it completely changed their perspective of how they think they look.
So I tried it for the next couple of days. I generally don't like to let myself get critical of my appearance because I look how I look, and who cares if people are critical of that? But being honest, I am hard on myself a lot more than I would like to be. The first time I tried this I felt like I was having a particularly bad hair day, and lo and behold, when I took on that perspective and looked in the mirror, I was surprised at what I saw. (I hope this doesn't come across as conceited...) I didn't notice all of those little things that I am so typically critical of, and my hair suddenly didn't look as bad as I perceived it to be.
Fast forward to a few weeks later...
I had forgotten about the advice I read in the blog and the experience I had with it.
Today in church a member of the bishopric spoke about perspective. His advice was to look at ourselves and others as our Father in Heaven does. I realized that my little experiment about seeing myself as a stranger does was a step in the right direction, but it was purely physical. It was a way to boost my confidence regarding my physical appearance, which our society places so much emphasis on.
When I think about looking at myself as my Heavenly Father does, that's about my divine nature, my infinite worth, and who I am as a person, not who I appear to be on the outside. This can not only change how we feel about and view ourselves, but when applied to others, it can change everything.
Perspective is a powerful thing, especially when we apply it personally. Taking on the perspective of another person or of our Heavenly Father can allow us to have compassion, love, understanding, or just the opportunity to be a little less critical of ourselves or others.
So do yourself a favor, for me. Give yourself the opportunity to have a little more perspective. It's an amazing thing.
For the past few years there's always been this special place in my heart for the night of Christmas Eve.
When the kids are in bed, milk and cookies have been set out and eaten up by Santa, when presents have magically appeared, and all of the adults settle in to get as much sleep as possible before the kids wake up with bright eyes and anxious bodies.
This is when I read the account in Luke chapter 2.
When I get to think about the birth of my Savior, Jesus Christ, and what that means for me.
When I think about His ministry, His example, and how I can reflect that in my own life.
When I think about the atonement and what a blessing it is in so many ways.
This is when everything slows down.
This is when I have this special time to remember the real reason for the season, and how grateful I am for every way that I have been blessed.
This reflection and application of the Christ in Christmas changes Christmas morning.
While opening each gift and watching gifts I've given being opened, I remember why we show our love by giving.
It's symbolic of something more... of what we can give of ourselves to others and to the Savior because He gave such an incredible and priceless gift to us.
"Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me."
Day 25: Something someone told you about yourself that you'll never forget.
My first year going to EFY (Especially For Youth) was incredible. I think any teenager would tell you that it was definitely life-changing, but the most memorable experience from the entire week was the Sunday after I got home. I was at church waiting for Young Women's to start when one of the girls in my group sat by me and we started to chat. I was telling her about EFY because she hadn't gone.
Class started and our conversation ended. She leaned over to me and said, "You know, I just see this light in you. You're glowing. You look truly happy."
She has no idea that she gave me the greatest compliment anyone ever could that day.
Having that "light" in my countenance is something I've continued to strive for.
It's hard for me to articulate exactly what I'm feeling, so please bear with me as I try to explain something that has been on my mind for months.
You know those times when for months you're trying to understand something that just won't leave you alone? When the same question or concern keeps coming back to your mind and heart over and over again? When you're plagued with worry and trouble and though you receive comfort, you've yet to achieve understanding?
You know those days when everything aligns to finally give you your answer? When you so plainly understand and peace and relief are finally spoken to your mind and your heart?
I finally had that day today.
I finally began to understand grace.
I didn't know that grace was what I needed to understand. I wasn't aware that's what I needed to study and learn. A friend of a friend wrote a blog post about Grace. He posted a video of a devotional given by Brad Wilcox entitled, "His Grace is Sufficient," and in that I found my answer. His post can be viewed here along with the video.
I'm way too hard on myself and I'm unfortunately learning that lesson the hard way. I'm a perfectionist. I want to be proud of myself. I hate letting myself down. I hate letting my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ down. There are many ways in which I fall short and I often focus on those instead of focusing on what I'm doing right and doing well.
Like Brad Wilcox talks about, for me it often comes down to perfection or giving up.
This is what I've struggled with.
I've been plagued with negative thoughts such as thinking I'm not good enough, that I won't be good enough, that it's too hard, and that I don't have the strength or will power to continue striving for perfection for the rest of my life.
That's the problem.
I've been striving for perfection, not progress.
Brother Wilcox says, "When we understand grace we can continue in patience until we are perfected."
Through Christ's grace we can be transformed. Through constant practice and progress we can become better. We can learn. We can prepare for and progress towards perfection instead of simply dying to achieve it.
"So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted, rather it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road, it is achieved right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch, but the finisher's touch."
This life isn't a race in which I'll only win if I finish number one.
This life is meant to try and test us! It's supposed to be hard! What would be the point if it were easy? What would be the point if we didn't have struggles which in turn teach us and allow us to progress?
It's through the grace of Jesus Christ that all of the difference is made.
It's through the grace of Jesus Christ that we can achieve progress and, in the end, perfection.
"Grace isn't about filling gaps, it's about filling us... We can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ."
Thank goodness I have the Gospel in my life to cling to when the waters get rough. I finally put forth the money to buy a book I've been wanting for a little while. I've spent an entire day reading it and watching segments from the accompanying DVD. To say the least, it's kept me sane and kept me focused on the fact that this isn't the end of the world.
Life moves on. I'll move on, too. It means a new job, it may mean a new major, and maybe even a new school. That's the beauty of life. Time moves on and drags you along with it. You may as well make the most of it, because the time will pass either way.
"One of the unfailing facts of mortal life is the recurring presence of trouble... When these difficult days (and nights!) come - and they will - it will help us to remember that 'it must needs be,' that in the grand councils of heaven before the world was, we agreed to such a time of challenge and refinement. We were taught then that facing, resolving, and enduring troublesome times was the price we would pay for progress. And we were committed to progress eternally."
"An
old Baptist preacher told me once in a BYU meeting I was in with him,
he said, 'What I've learned in this life is we can all have what we
want, or something better.' I think that's the way God sees it. The only
time you wouldn't get what you want, is if He has something better, and
as a good parent, would overrule for your good."
"First of all, foremost, you will not be tested, you will not be tried, you will not be pushed beyond your ability to withstand and endure and prevail. Now that's a promise, it's God's promise, so I just work here. You won't be pushed beyond hope, you won't be pushed beyond faith, you won't be pushed beyond what the future has in store for you."
For Times of Trouble - Jeffrey R. Holland
"My convictions and my feelings for the Savior of the world have been born in the most desperate hours of my life, when I wondered whether the sun would ever come up again. It seemed to come up for other people, it seemed to come up every morning for everybody else I could see, but not for me. Now it isn't always like that and it's not supposed to always be like that, and we're a little self-pitying if we act like it's always like that, but some parts of the discipleship require that walk, basically His walk."
"Joseph Smith, the Prophet and Seer of the Lord, has done more, save Jesus only, for the salvation of men in this world, than any other man that ever lived in it. In the short space of twenty years, he has brought forth the Book of Mormon, which he translated by the gift and power of God, and has been the means of publishing it on two continents; has sent the fulness of the everlasting gospel, which it contained, to the four quarters of the earth; has brought forth the revelations and commandments which compose this book of Doctrine and Covenants, and many other wise documents and instructions for the benefit of the children of men; gathered many thousands of the Latter-day Saints, founded a great city, and left a fame and name that cannot be slain. He lived great, and he died great in the eyes of God and his people; and like most of the Lord's anointed in ancient times, has sealed his mission and his works with his own blood; and so has his brother Hyrum. In life they were not divided, and in death they were not separated!"
I believe this to be true with all of my heart. One hundred and sixty-eight years later, and the Gospel that Joseph Smith restored to the earth is still changing lives. His martyrdom couldn't stop the truthfulness of the Gospel to continue forward.
I know these things are true, not because I was told so, but because I challenged the teachings of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints and I sought to know for myself whether it was true.
There isn't a doubt in my mind that it's not.
Giving this Gospel and the Book of Mormon a chance was the greatest choice I ever made. Joseph Smith dedicated his life to this work, and just as Elder Holland knows it, I know that no man would forsake his life to the extent that he did unless it was true.
I can't express how much gratitude I have for that man who dedicated his life so you, me, and millions of other people could have the Gospel in our lives.
