Father's Day

It's been a quick minute since I posted last, but I had too many thoughts today about Father's Day than could be shared in a simple Facebook or Instagram post.

For the last two years I had one goal in mind: to go to graduate school at Utah State. 

Everyone knew it, and in my mind as long as I got accepted it would be a no-brainer and the easiest decision I ever had to make.

Fast forward to applications being submitted, interviews with schools, and incredibly important emails containing my fate...

I was accepted to Utah State, but I was also accepted to all of the other programs I had applied to, and BYU really stood out to me when I had my interview with them.

I knew from the moment I walked out of my interview that I would end up at BYU, and a part of me was really excited about it, but a part of me didn't want to believe it. I didn't want to let go of my dream of getting accepted to and attending Utah State, and I also wasn't particularly thrilled about moving to Provo. Once I received a scholarship offer from BYU I knew the decision was made and I started to get excited about the big upcoming changes. 

I decided to start in the Spring, which meant putting in my two weeks notice at work, figuring out financial aid, finding a place to live, and finishing up my last semester of my second bachelor's degree two weeks early to be able to start school at BYU.

It was a hectic few weeks to say the least and finding a weekend to move was nearly impossible.

My parents had a trip planned to visit my sister in Idaho one weekend, but I had to beg my dad to stay and miss seeing his grandkids so he could be here to help me move.

Moving day came and on three hours of sleep I showed up to my parents' house to go and pick up the rental truck.

I was exhausted, I was stressed, and I was terrified about the major changes that were about to happen.

Right when I walked in the door my dad gave me a hug and said he understood it all without me even really explaining why I had such a sleepless night.

Holding back tears, he made me breakfast and we were on our way.

Hours later after getting moved out of my old house and into the new one, my dad stuck around to help me clean and get settled. We took a trip to Home Depot to pick up a few things, and the physical and emotional exhaustion set in. 

I wasn't happy with my current situation for a myriad of reasons and I was taking it out on my dad. He was trying to help me and was going above and beyond, but my patience was wearing very thin.

At one point after apologizing for all of the trouble and thanking my dad again for helping, he stopped me and said something to the effect of, "Look, until you're married and you have a man in your life, you're the woman in my life besides your mom." 

In my emotionally and physically exhausted state this translated to, "Hey Melissa, your life sucks because you're not married and that's why you're in this situation."

I cried right there in the lighting section of Home Depot.

After a good night of sleep and some clarity, I was ashamed at how I had acted and how I had misinterpreted my dad's comment. 

See, my dad has never been incredibly affectionate vocally, but looking back on that weekend that he spent with me - foregoing visiting his grandkids to help me move, spending two days cleaning with me, taking trips to Home Depot and buying me a few things I wouldn't have spent the money on myself, making me dinner and taking me out to lunch - all of those actions spoke volumes about the lengths that my father is willing to go to for me.

They were simple things, things you might say a father is supposed to do, but for me, in those moments of unfamiliar and uncomfortable, I had my dad by my side, and that truly meant the world to me.

So now I know, instead of meaning that I am a burden to my father and subjected to certain situations because I don't have a spouse in my life, he meant that it was his privilege to help me in any way he could.

(I'll also throw in here that I am, in fact, perfectly content with my marital status at this point in my life ;) )

I'm not sure he knows this, but that was one of those comments that will stick with me for a long time to come.

I love you dad, Happy Father's Day!

My Month in Europe: Unexpected Moments

Our flight from New York to Dublin was quite possibly some of the worst hours of my life. I was dreadfully tired but also so excited for the month ahead. As soon as we were settled on the plane and up in the air I turned on a movie and took an over the counter sleep aid in hopes that I would be able to get a few hours of shut-eye.

In true Melissa fashion, being unable to sleep anywhere but a bed, the pill just made me groggy to the point that I so badly wanted to be asleep and was miserably uncomfortable. The closest I could get to sleep was that "in-between" where you know you're awake, but you're headed towards sleep. Something would inevitably snap me out of that state and I'd be wide awake again.

After hours of trying to fall asleep and dozens of failed awkward airplane seat sleep positions, I gave up, turned on classical music, and opened the window.

It was a perfectly clear night, and the stars were unlike anything I've ever seen. Being so high in the air in the dead of the night with clear skies was really something. I'm not sure what it is about nature, but it allowed me to accept the fact that I wouldn't be sleeping at all on that flight, and provided a lot of relief from the frustration I had been feeling.

Before long the sun began to rise, and if I thought the stars were beautiful, this sunrise easily took first place. I started to think about the world and just how massive it really is, and how many people there are out there leading such different lives. I thought about technology and how insane it was that I was flying through the air in a one million pound contraption. Instead of taking days by boat to get to Ireland, I had flown from Salt Lake to JFK to Dublin in just about 24 hours.

I started thinking about God and how grand His creations are. For how beautiful the world is, His prized creation is that of us, each of us, individually. Not only would I experience amazing places over the next month, but I would meet amazing people. It was in these moments watching the sunrise that a tiny part of my heart began to open up to the experiences I didn't yet know I would have. In a way those miserable hours on that plane gave me one of the greatest gifts of my entire trip, just by preparing me for everything I would see and everyone I would meet.

I realized that had I been sleeping I would have missed the stars and that ethereal sunrise.

Sure, my trip still would have been absolutely incredible, but I am so thankful for those spiritual moments on that flight that, though I didn't know it at the time, would prepare me for a month of seeing more than just cities and buildings, but seeing my Father in Heaven in every mountain and monument we travelled to and every person I would meet.

I also realized that the moments in our lives that are the hardest always bring the greatest rewards, even if it is just taking you from point A to point B.

So, as my friend Jeffrey R. Holland has said, "If for a while the harder you try, the harder it gets, take heart. So it has been with the best people who ever lived."

Ireland!

Settling

I had a thought today while I was at church. 

A woman bore her testimony (click here for further information on what in the world I am talking about!) about Joseph Smith and how he sought out many different churches and church leaders to find what he felt was the right or true church. 

As she was talking about this I realized how grateful I was to him for not settling. Instead of going to a few different churches and then weighing his options and deciding to go with the best fit, he was honest with what he was feeling and did not settle for "good enough." 

He didn't think to himself, "Well, I guess this is the best one out of the five I've been to, so it'll do." 

He knew it didn't feel right. 

He didn't stay in his comfort zone, but instead, he sought growth, he sought a challenge.

Being the word lover I am, I looked up the definition of "settle," and this is what I found:

"Adopt a more steady or secure style of life."

Now trust me, I know how wonderful that sounds, particularly now as I am going through so many changes and uncertainties.

But we know that it is times of uncertainty, times of trial, that allow us to grow. 

"The stuff of growth was never made of ease..."

-Elder Dallin H. Oaks

(Full talk here)

So this is where I had my thought:

How often do we settle?

Settle for knowledge, truth, relationships, education, blessings, service, and on?

How often do we allow ourselves to stay in a "more steady or secure style of life," because that is just it, it is more comfortable, more sure, and more steady?

How much are we missing out on by settling and not reaching our full potential, the full potential that our Father in Heaven has had in store for us from the very beginning?

There is always a good, better, and best.

I am so thankful that Joseph Smith refused to settle with good or better, but went for the best.

Yes, it brought on more trials than he ever could have imagined, but without those trials he would never have been able to bless the lives of millions who have accepted the restored gospel of Jesus Christ, all because he refused to settle.

Think of the possibilities of what you could do and experience by never settling, by always aiming for the best.

I am going to try my hardest to stop settling and allow those times of uncertainty and discomfort to work to my advantage.

(Quote made by yours truly!)

May 16: Blessed

Day 16: Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it.

Wow.

I've been thinking about how to go about this post for about a week now.

I worry that I'll sound conceited or as though I have the perfect life, but I can assure you, my life is far from perfect, I am far from perfect, and I definitely have many trials.

Here's the thing...

We all have things in our lives that we have to overcome, and I am no exception.

I could sit here and complain about a whole multitude of things, but I've spent the last month or two really focusing on being positive and I don't want to ruin that now.

As I've thought about this post for the past few days I've come to the conclusion that I really have been blessed in many ways.

I feel like I have my head on straight and am working towards becoming a better me every day.

Overcoming my "lot in life" has become easier and easier as I've accentuated the positive and stopped letting the negative have control.

There's power in positive thinking!

All you have to do is change your attitude :)

It's just emotions taking me over

I apologize for the corny Bee Gee's blog post title.

Or maybe you prefer Destiny's Child.

I couldn't resist :)

Life has been pretty crazy these past few months.

I've been through a lot of fairly drastic changes and have spent a lot of time rethinking what I want from my future.

I've had a lot of opportunities to get down on myself, to be upset or depressed, to let loneliness or self-pity take over, or to just want to completely give up.

Instead, I've put all of my energy in to focusing on seeing the good in all of this change and unpredictability. By focusing on the positive and having faith in the Lord, everything has changed.

I'm so excited for everything to come, but more importantly I'm content with where I'm at right now. I've realized that I can't keep looking forward to where I'll be in the future, otherwise I'll spend my entire life just waiting for the next big thing rather than enjoying the ride.

We have our agency and we have the power to change our outlook on life.

I'll tell you from firsthand experience that it isn't easy, but with honest effort and desire, it is possible.

I saw this quote this morning and I can't believe how true it is.

Feelings will come.

  Sometimes they creep up on us or sometimes they hit us like a ton of bricks.

But we have the power to embrace them or control them.

We don't have to feel lonely, hopeless, depressed, self-pitying, or any other negative emotion which the adversary would love for us to embrace and ruminate about.  

This goes for everyone in every stage of life. It may be negative emotions about a spouse, negative emotions about ourselves, our children, our jobs, our education, or absolutely anything.

If you can stop those negative feelings in their tracks and channel them in to positive and uplifting ones, it makes such a huge difference and will spill over into every aspect of your life.

I've learned the valuable lesson that if we are willing to put up the fight, then we really are in control of our happiness and our destiny.

The grass doesn't always have to be greener on the other side

   There's a reason adults tell children and teens to enjoy their childhood, not to grow up so fast, and that they'll miss the years they're rushing to get through. As adults we sometimes mourn for those wonderful days full of building forts, riding bikes, girls nights, football games, and our seemingly end-of-the-world break up with our boyfriend of three weeks.

When we were in it, we hated it.

     Now that we realize how easy and carefree it was (for the most part), we miss it.

We mourn it.

   Growing up hurts. It's painful, difficult, eye-opening and sometimes downright brutal. We learn the tricks of the trade - the way the real world really works...

Decisions never end.

Risks have to be taken.

The responsibilities are endless.

Your body won't let you sleep past nine o'clock.

No one works to protect you, you have to protect yourself.

Most people are more concerned with their own self-interests.

   These lessons are realized experience after experience, mistake after mistake, and triumph after triumph. It's hard, yet it's beautiful. The thing is, that's just the way it works. No matter how hard we try, every eight-year-old, every teenager, every recent high school graduate is going to wish the same thing - to just grow up.

Innocence and ignorance.

That's the simple beauty of it.

   As hard, painful, difficult, eye-opening and brutal as it may be, something wonderful happens as we all go through it. We come to find out who we are, who we want to be, what we stand for, and who stands for us. I wouldn't trade it for anything, not even the hide-and-seek, all-nighters, or senior-skip days. We have the power and agency to live a life full of the things that make us happy, forts and college-junior-skip-days included. No matter what decisions we're facing, what risks we're taking, what responsibilities are weighing us down, how tired we are at eight o'clock on a Friday night, how exposed we feel, and how wronged we have been, we learn how to live a truly beautiful life.

We make the moments that in turn make us.

   We're in control of our happiness. We come to realize that making the most of every decision, every responsibility, every risk, every hardship, and every day is how we come to know happiness. The key to our outlook on life lies within ourselves.

We must simply be content.

For Times of Trouble

  Thank goodness I have the Gospel in my life to cling to when the waters get rough. I finally put forth the money to buy a book I've been wanting for a little while. I've spent an entire day reading it and watching segments from the accompanying DVD. To say the least, it's kept me sane and kept me focused on the fact that this isn't the end of the world. 

Life moves on. I'll move on, too. It means a new job, it may mean a new major, and maybe even a new school. That's the beauty of life. Time moves on and drags you along with it. You may as well make the most of it, because the time will pass either way.

"One of the unfailing facts of mortal life is the recurring presence of trouble... When these difficult days (and nights!) come - and they will - it will help us to remember that 'it must needs be,' that in the grand councils of heaven before the world was, we agreed to such a time of challenge and refinement. We were taught then that facing, resolving, and enduring troublesome times was the price we would pay for progress. And we were committed to progress eternally." 

"An old Baptist preacher told me once in a BYU meeting I was in with him, he said, 'What I've learned in this life is we can all have what we want, or something better.' I think that's the way God sees it. The only time you wouldn't get what you want, is if He has something better, and as a good parent, would overrule for your good."

 "First of all, foremost, you will not be tested, you will not be tried, you will not be pushed beyond your ability to withstand and endure and prevail. Now that's a promise, it's God's promise, so I just work here. You won't be pushed beyond hope, you won't be pushed beyond faith, you won't be pushed beyond what the future has in store for you."

 For Times of Trouble - Jeffrey R. Holland

"My convictions and my feelings for the Savior of the world have been born in the most desperate hours of my life, when I wondered whether the sun would ever come up again. It seemed to come up for other people, it seemed to come up every morning for everybody else I could see, but not for me. Now it isn't always like that and it's not supposed to always be like that, and we're a little self-pitying if we act like it's always like that, but some parts of the discipleship require that walk, basically His walk."