Understanding Grace

It's hard for me to articulate exactly what I'm feeling, so please bear with me as I try to explain something that has been on my mind for months. 

You know those times when for months you're trying to understand something that just won't leave you alone? When the same question or concern keeps coming back to your mind and heart over and over again? When you're plagued with worry and trouble and though you receive comfort, you've yet to achieve understanding?

 You know those days when everything aligns to finally give you your answer? When you so plainly understand and peace and relief are finally spoken to your mind and your heart?

I finally had that day today.

 I finally began to understand grace.

I didn't know that grace was what I needed to understand. I wasn't aware that's what I needed to study and learn. A friend of a friend wrote a blog post about Grace. He posted a video of a devotional given by Brad Wilcox entitled, "His Grace is Sufficient," and in that I found my answer. His post can be viewed here along with the video. 

I'm way too hard on myself and I'm unfortunately learning that lesson the hard way. I'm a perfectionist. I want to be proud of myself. I hate letting myself down. I hate letting my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ down. There are many ways in which I fall short and I often focus on those instead of focusing on what I'm doing right and doing well.

Like Brad Wilcox talks about, for me it often comes down to perfection or giving up.

 This is what I've struggled with.

I've been plagued with negative thoughts such as thinking I'm not good enough, that I won't be good enough, that it's too hard, and that I don't have the strength or will power to continue striving for perfection for the rest of my life.

That's the problem.

I've been striving for perfection, not progress.

Brother Wilcox says, "When we understand grace we can continue in patience until we are perfected."

Through Christ's grace we can be transformed. Through constant practice and progress we can become better. We can learn. We can prepare for and progress towards perfection instead of simply dying to achieve it.

"So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted, rather it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road, it is achieved right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch, but the finisher's touch."

This life isn't a race in which I'll only win if I finish number one.

This life is meant to try and test us! It's supposed to be hard! What would be the point if it were easy? What would be the point if we didn't have struggles which in turn teach us and allow us to progress?

It's through the grace of Jesus Christ that all of the difference is made.

It's through the grace of Jesus Christ that we can achieve progress and, in the end, perfection.

"Grace isn't about filling gaps, it's about filling us... We can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ."

For me, that's enough.