It's just emotions taking me over

I apologize for the corny Bee Gee's blog post title.

Or maybe you prefer Destiny's Child.

I couldn't resist :)

Life has been pretty crazy these past few months.

I've been through a lot of fairly drastic changes and have spent a lot of time rethinking what I want from my future.

I've had a lot of opportunities to get down on myself, to be upset or depressed, to let loneliness or self-pity take over, or to just want to completely give up.

Instead, I've put all of my energy in to focusing on seeing the good in all of this change and unpredictability. By focusing on the positive and having faith in the Lord, everything has changed.

I'm so excited for everything to come, but more importantly I'm content with where I'm at right now. I've realized that I can't keep looking forward to where I'll be in the future, otherwise I'll spend my entire life just waiting for the next big thing rather than enjoying the ride.

We have our agency and we have the power to change our outlook on life.

I'll tell you from firsthand experience that it isn't easy, but with honest effort and desire, it is possible.

I saw this quote this morning and I can't believe how true it is.

Feelings will come.

  Sometimes they creep up on us or sometimes they hit us like a ton of bricks.

But we have the power to embrace them or control them.

We don't have to feel lonely, hopeless, depressed, self-pitying, or any other negative emotion which the adversary would love for us to embrace and ruminate about.  

This goes for everyone in every stage of life. It may be negative emotions about a spouse, negative emotions about ourselves, our children, our jobs, our education, or absolutely anything.

If you can stop those negative feelings in their tracks and channel them in to positive and uplifting ones, it makes such a huge difference and will spill over into every aspect of your life.

I've learned the valuable lesson that if we are willing to put up the fight, then we really are in control of our happiness and our destiny.

This weekend I...

Ate at Texas de Brazil for the first time

Watched a few absolutely amazing TED talks

(there's a blog post to come on that)

Sat outside on Saturday and did homework

Got a super bad sunburn, but only on the front half of my body... oops!

Have been fighting off a miserable cold

Avoided doing laundry like the plague

Got a new calling in church

And soaked up every second of our 75+ degree weather

(even if I felt awful because of this cold)

Is it Friday yet? :)

Change of Perspective

There's been this video circulating around Facebook and the blogosphere.

Take a minute to watch...

I went through an interesting and mutual break up once, where we gave some constructive criticism that we could apply to our next relationships.

(Weird, I know. That whole relationship was weird...)

One of the things he told me was to quit being so critical of things that most people never notice about myself.

He told me that the second you point it out to a guy, they notice it, and will continue to notice it.

Whether it be a physical feature, or a personality trait that you see as a flaw, chances are they haven't even noticed it.

This video brought that back to my mind and as a result I've started a challenge with myself.

Instead of looking in the mirror and noticing how observable my "flaws" are, or examining my personality and wondering how observable those "flaws" are, I've challenged myself to look at myself without those flaws in view, much like how I would be described by someone whom I just met.

Why walk around being self-conscious about things no one even notices?

Even if they do notice, who cares?

Be confident and be proud!

You're beautiful the way you are :)

Understanding Grace

It's hard for me to articulate exactly what I'm feeling, so please bear with me as I try to explain something that has been on my mind for months. 

You know those times when for months you're trying to understand something that just won't leave you alone? When the same question or concern keeps coming back to your mind and heart over and over again? When you're plagued with worry and trouble and though you receive comfort, you've yet to achieve understanding?

 You know those days when everything aligns to finally give you your answer? When you so plainly understand and peace and relief are finally spoken to your mind and your heart?

I finally had that day today.

 I finally began to understand grace.

I didn't know that grace was what I needed to understand. I wasn't aware that's what I needed to study and learn. A friend of a friend wrote a blog post about Grace. He posted a video of a devotional given by Brad Wilcox entitled, "His Grace is Sufficient," and in that I found my answer. His post can be viewed here along with the video. 

I'm way too hard on myself and I'm unfortunately learning that lesson the hard way. I'm a perfectionist. I want to be proud of myself. I hate letting myself down. I hate letting my Father in Heaven and Jesus Christ down. There are many ways in which I fall short and I often focus on those instead of focusing on what I'm doing right and doing well.

Like Brad Wilcox talks about, for me it often comes down to perfection or giving up.

 This is what I've struggled with.

I've been plagued with negative thoughts such as thinking I'm not good enough, that I won't be good enough, that it's too hard, and that I don't have the strength or will power to continue striving for perfection for the rest of my life.

That's the problem.

I've been striving for perfection, not progress.

Brother Wilcox says, "When we understand grace we can continue in patience until we are perfected."

Through Christ's grace we can be transformed. Through constant practice and progress we can become better. We can learn. We can prepare for and progress towards perfection instead of simply dying to achieve it.

"So grace is not a booster engine that kicks in once our fuel supply is exhausted, rather it is our constant energy source. It is not the light at the end of the tunnel but the light that moves us through the tunnel. Grace is not achieved somewhere down the road, it is achieved right here and right now. It is not a finishing touch, but the finisher's touch."

This life isn't a race in which I'll only win if I finish number one.

This life is meant to try and test us! It's supposed to be hard! What would be the point if it were easy? What would be the point if we didn't have struggles which in turn teach us and allow us to progress?

It's through the grace of Jesus Christ that all of the difference is made.

It's through the grace of Jesus Christ that we can achieve progress and, in the end, perfection.

"Grace isn't about filling gaps, it's about filling us... We can always have confidence in the grace of Jesus Christ."

For me, that's enough.

 

Graduate

As of today I officially have my Associate's degree.

Now before you get all "congratulatory" on me, all it really means is that I have a paper stating I have an Associate of Science degree.

Technically I could have applied and received my Associate's one year ago.

I didn't even realize it was all official until I saw all of my friends posting about graduation today, and I thought, "oh, hey, I guess that means I officially have my Associate's degree. Party!"

And that was the end of the story.

I decided this semester to get it in paper just in case I wanted to transfer to University of Utah or BYU Provo get my Bachelor's degree, but I've decided to stick with BYU-Idaho because I'm already so far along into my major work.

So I'll be getting my Bachelor's degree July of 2014 from BYU-Idaho!

THEN we'll have something big to celebrate!

An accurate depiction of my level of excitement for the day ;)

I think I'll celebrate with a bowl of ice cream (which I do on a daily basis anyway...).

C'est la vie :)

If I still had Myspace...

...my mood status would say "nostalgic."

I woke up to rain and a gloomy but beautiful sky this morning.

I walked outside and the air was warm with just a tinge of a chill.

I felt a longing for Washington.

Days of rain and tall, vibrant, fresh green trees.

I think I might be figuring out that I consider Washington home.

And boy, do I miss home.