Grad School Update #2: Internship Week 1

At this rate this will be my second and last grad school update because I'll graduate in April!

Oops!

I started my first internship this week!

I'm working at Intermountain Medical Center, a Level 1 trauma center in Murray, Utah. I'm on the NeuroRehab Floor, and I absolutely love it. 

I leave every day excited to go back the next morning and I don't think it can get much better than that!

I'm so impressed by IMC and my supervisor.

I joked to my roommate today that I want to be my supervisor when I grow up, and I wasn't entirely kidding! :) 

I wanted to write down some of the crazy things I've seen and experienced this week so I can look back years from now and remember how new and exciting all of this once was. 

Hopefully it can reignite a fire and passion for my work on a day that I need a little boost. 

On my first day some of the things I saw and worked with were respiratory failure, a fairly severe intracranial hemorrhage, a below the knee amputation, a patient with gunshot wounds, and I felt a fistula in someone's arm and could feel blood freely pumping and flowing from the artery to vein. 

It was incredibly amazing and incredibly overwhelming!

On my second day I started working with the patients I mentioned, and I started to feel some sense that I could and would get the hang of this whole thing at some point, so naturally, the next day put me back in my place ;) 

On the third day I realized just how much I still have to learn, and how much of that comes with pure experience. 

A patient on our floor coded while working with Occupational Therapy, so I watched as the entire floor went into Code Blue mode. One of the nurses (an older gentleman who is close to retirement, and about whom multiple people said they feel safest when he is on the floor!) jumped on his gurney and began performing CPR. That was the first time I've seen CPR performed on a live person.

I was amazed at how everyone handled the situation - it was chaotic, but the most calm and organized chaos I've ever experienced!

The patient was stabilized after about half an hour and they were able to get him down to ICU again. 

Lastly, today we had a patient with a traumatic brain injury from an unhelmeted motorcycle accident.

That was the first thing that got to me this week. 

I've never liked motorcycles, and after seeing this patient today I stand by that opinion. 

I've said it before and I'll say it time and time again - if you choose to drive a motorcycle, don't EVER do so without a helmet.

This week I've seen a variety of patients with a variety of personalities and quirks, which always keeps things interesting...

Overall, I could not be happier with my internship!

It's been quite the week and for the first time in my life a part of me is sad to have a four day weekend ahead of me! :) 

One week down, nine weeks to go! 

Human Beings are Destined to Radiate or Drain

(I wrote this back in June but couldn't decide if I wanted to post it. I just read it again and ultimately decided that I want it here as a reminder to myself from time to time!)

Well, it's definitely been a quick minute since I was here last... oops! :) 

Over the last few months I feel like someone upstairs has been trying to teach me a very obvious and pointed lesson. 

It's come from so many aspects of my life that there's no chance it's all been coincidental!

Someone recently came into my life who can only be described as an energy vampire (apparently that's a legitimate term - I just discovered it via the all-knowing Google). 

Every interaction with this person seemed to drain all of the energy from the room and I would leave these interactions feeling physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. 

This got me thinking about the energy we all bring to relationships and interactions, and how easily they can impact others. I began to realize the importance of taking responsibility for our energy.

As I was going through this experience and thinking about it, there seemed to be things reinforcing this concept coming at me from all directions, so I thought I would share a few.

First of all, a few months ago I heard someone somewhere mention the power in changing apologetic statements, or, "I'm sorry's," into "thank you's."

For example, instead of apologizing for arriving late, you can instead thank your coworker, friend, or family member for waiting for you.
This is such a simple, yet important and powerful shift from an inherently negative statement to one that is uplifting and full of gratitude. I can only imagine how that type of simple gratitude can impact our lives in even bigger ways!

Second, in a talk I heard recently about happiness I was reminded of three important points:

1. Happiness is not dependent on other people

2. Happiness is not an eternal state

3. Happiness is a choice

In other words, we do not need to be happy 24/7 in order to be a happy person. That isn't sustainable. But finding happiness where you are, despite situations and circumstances, is. 

Third, I follow one of the sweetest, most genuine women on Instagram - Jenna Rammell, AKA, Jenna's Kitchen. Each day in June she's been sharing an affirmation as part of her 30 Days of Affirmations. Here are a couple that stood out to me:

Last but not least, and you have my permission to chuckle a little at this... I was listening to Ed Sheeran today and his song, "Save Myself," came on. I've only listened to it a couple of times previously, but one part stood out to me today:

"I gave you all my energy and I took away your pain,

Cause human beings are destined to radiate or drain.

What line do we stand upon cause from here it looks the same?"

I think this brings up a very important point - that it can be so difficult to determine if we are radiating and spreading positive energy to others, or if we are draining others.

Over the course of the last couple of months as I've thought about this, I reflected back on the last year or so of my life and took a hard look at whether or not I had been radiating or draining.

Unfortunately, I think I was draining more often than not, and it's easy to make excuses for it, too!

I was so overwhelmingly busy with classes, clients, my thesis, maintaining a social life, finding time to exercise and sleep, and on and on. January to April was easily the hardest semester of school that I've ever faced, and it was easy to let that translate to becoming an energy vampire.

Luckily, one of the greatest conditions of our existence is that we get to change.

So I've tried to actively work on changing my energy from that of a drainer to a radiator.

.....annnnd this just got too cheesy, even for me. 🙄😂

Moral of the story, we have the choice (within reason) and the responsibility to take control of our energy and choose to be positive and radiate, rather than drain.

It's impossible to be perfect at it - no one is - but the best we can do is try.

What a Year

Going in to 2016 I anticipated a year full of change, but oh how I greatly underestimated just how much change, and how much of it would be for the better.

Along with a lot of change, 2016 brought so much fun, growth, and opportunity.

As always, there were hard days and weeks, but I have to say that overall this year has been one for the books.
I've loved every minute of it.

I skied multiple times throughout our snowy January and February.

Birthday ski trip with @nroej was an absolute blast! Thanks, Natalie! A huge thank you to everyone for the birthday wishes yesterday! It's going to be a great year!

Swapped the Salt Lake smog for clear skies and a little shoop shoop this afternoon. (Friends reference, anyone?!). I've gotta say, it sure was beautiful up there today.

After applying to graduate school and being surprised with multiple acceptances, I finally decided on BYU and within a matter of weeks I put in my notice at The Adoption Exchange and moved to Provo to start early during Spring Term. 

I sure miss working with these ladies! 

Over my first summer off from school or work for the first time in years, I got to play mom to all of my nieces and nephews at different times while both of my sisters took trips with their husbands.

It only reminded me that the most important thing is family, and I can't wait for the day that I have little babies to call my own :) 

Instead of writing a novel about how incredibly fun and exhausting this weekend has been, I'll just say that I didn't think it was possible to love my nieces and nephews more, but apparently it is, and that's fine by me.

I had such a fun time watching this wild bunch for a few days! They went all out to make sure grandma was extra welcomed when she came to join us for the weekend. From chalk to homemade ice cream and Zootopia, we sure did have a blast! 

After moving to Provo, and through a series of very unfortunate events, I ended up moving three times in six months, but ultimately ended up in the best place I've ever lived.

I wasn't too thrilled about Utah County, but instead of sulking about it, I got out and enjoyed everything that my new home has to offer.

Kicked off the Fourth of July weekend with a gorgeous hike to Squaw Peak! These Utah mountains continue to amaze me! 

I also lucked out with a fantastic roommate who's become a truly great friend, too :)

I am beyond grateful for the loving service I've received from my roommates, classmates, friends, and family over this last week, especially from this girl right here. She's been more than willing to give me rides to and from school and hasn't complained one bit. It's been a humbling thing for me to ask for an accept the service of others, but to everyone who's reached out and helped, please know you've helped to #lighttheworld, even if it's just been in my little corner. "Service doesn't have to be big and grandiose to be meaningful and make a difference." Cheryl A. Esplin

I went to a ton of concerts, including Tyrone Wells, Tim McGraw, Brett Eldredge and Keith Urban, Coldplay, and Carrie Underwood. 

I visited Santa Barbara for the first time, and although I'm not a Cali girl, I'll admit that Santra Barbara sure is beautiful!

I had a blast with my friend Amy at Universal Studios (mainly Harry Potter World), watching the olympics for hours on end, and bumming on the beach.

I got in my first car accident in a decade of driving.

It was a truly terrifying and humbling experience that has left me struggling to drive on the freeway without having a panic attack, but boy am I thankful for the angels that were surrounding me that night.

I finally attended multiple BYU football games as a student.

And last but not least, I started and completed my first term and full semester of my graduate program.

So many people told me before I started that it would be the hardest thing I ever did and that they didn't miss their time in graduate school.

While it definitely hasn't been easy, it's also easily been the best thing I've ever done.

I love my program, I love my field, and I love the girls (and two guys ;) ) that I spend countless hours with in the outcasted Taylor building on BYU's campus. 

I've made lifelong friends and colleagues and every day I'm more and more excited to be a Speech-Language Pathologist. 

Completely candid and cliche first day of school picture. It's my (second) first day of graduate school, but Spring Term only partially counted, so today is the real deal. Here's to months of sleepless nights, tears over horribly challenging exams, and eventual relief at the end of the semester only to start it all over again a week later. But yet, I still couldn't fall asleep last night because I was so excited. Some things never change! Here goes nothin'!

Had the best time tonight at BYU's New Graduate Student Dinner! My cohort is the best (including those not pictured), and I'm so happy we all have each other to rely on over the next two years of chaos!

I've been filled with so much gratitude for the opportunities, challenges, trials, and blessings I've been given, and I wouldn't change a thing from the past 365 days.

What a year.

Here's to an equally fantastic 2017!

Gratitude

It's crazy to look back and see how much can change in a year. 

This Thanksgiving last year (here) was easily one of my favorites, and I think my entire family is in agreement with that.

I went to bed last night a little sad that I wouldn't have my immediate family all together for Thanksgiving this year, but I woke up with a list of things too numerous to count swirling around in my head to be grateful about. 

It seems like gratitude has been a common theme in my life for the last few months.

This time last year I had just taken the GRE (for the second time) and scored one point above my goal. The nervousness that I felt when pressing that final submit button, and the relief I felt when I saw my score was overwhelming.

I walked out of that place with a thousand pounds lifted off of my shoulders and I drove straight home to pack my bags and head up to Park City to spend the perfect Thanksgiving with my family.

I had so much to be grateful for.

This year felt very different.

I woke up to an empty house. I didn't take and conquer a big test yesterday. I'm not spending a long holiday weekend with every member of my immediate family. My immediate sense of gratitude wasn't overwhelming when I woke up this morning. 

Rather, I realized that for the last several months I've taken a near-weekly inventory of the many things that I have to be grateful for, and unfortunately, that isn't something I've done nearly enough in my life.

This last year has been a whirlwind of change and for a girl that grew up learning to thrive on change, it rocked me to my core and took a lot of adjustment and acceptance, but over the last couple of months everything has fallen into place and with every last piece I've been more humbled and grateful for the interest that my Heavenly Father has in my life. 

Walking out of my graduate school interview with BYU, I knew I needed to be here, and while there were so many question marks and uncertainties, I've spent the last year watching reason after reason unfold before me.

The gratitude that I've felt this year has been unlike any other.

I only hope that through times in my life when things aren't falling into place and I can't clearly see the reasoning at all, I can look back and remember the times that He was so evidently there, and know that He still is every single day.

I hope I can focus on feeling gratitude in every circumstance, every day of the year, and then reflect on those moments of gratitude on Thanksgiving Day.

Lastly, what would Thanksgiving be without sharing a picture of the people who are the absolute most important to me?!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Grad School Update #1: Priorities

Just over six months ago, amid all of the chaos and excitement of acceptance letters and starting grad school less than two months later, a coworker of mine who has a Master's Degree mentioned that I could call her anytime to complain that I'd made the worst mistake of my life.

I made it through spring term without feeling an ounce of regret or wondering what in the world I'd done to myself, and I'm proud to say I also made it nearly a month into my first full semester without feeling that way as well.

But then it all hit.

Hard.

And all at one.

I quickly went from feeling the euphoria of making it into graduate school to wondering how the many SLP's before me have made it through and turned out fine.

I've been through a whirlwind of emotions over the last month and particularly over the last week.

I went through the first stage of having no clue what I'm doing and wondering why anyone would ever trust me to actually work with and treat REAL people (imposter syndrome is a real thing, friends)...

... to stage two of admitting to myself that maybe I do know just the tiniest bit about what I'm doing, but feeling overwhelmed to the point of actually considering quitting...

...and to stage three of having my first emotional breakdown of graduate school, which, if I may say so myself, seems like a definite rite of passage.

I learned this week that sometimes it's okay to admit to yourself that you're overwhelmed, that you took on too much, or that you need help. 

Sometimes it's okay to call your mom for a mid-day therapy session because you're on the verge of an emotional breakdown and you need her reassurance.

Sometimes it's okay to take a step back and make the right choice for you, even if you know it's going to be tough to let a few people down. 

This week I had to step back and realize that I'd bit off a little more than I could chew. 

I had to look at the bigger picture and prioritize.

If I learned one thing this week it's that to make it through challenging and demanding stages in life, whatever they may be, one of the most important things you can do is keep your priorities straight.

For me that means the gospel, my family, exercising, and football (obviously).

I also learned the value of chocolate milk - one of those small things in life that has the power to momentarily make it all better.